Stephen Clarke strana 2 z 3

Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job - and finds out what the French are really like They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don't wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike really is the second national participation sport after petanque. And, yes, they do use suppositories In his first novel, Stephen Clarke gives a laugh-out-loud account of the pleasures and perils of being a Brit in France. Less quaint than A Year in Provence, less chocolatey than Chocolat, A Year in the Merde will tell you how to get served by the grumpiest Parisian waiter; how to make perfect vinaigrette every time; how to make amour - not war; and how not to buy a house in the French countryside

Paul West is in deep financial merde. His only way out of debt is to accept a decidedly dodgy job that involves him touring America in a Mini, while pretending to be typically British. Also in the car is Paul's French girlfriend, Alexa, and his American poet friend, Jake, whose main aim in life is to sleep with a woman from every country in the world. Preferably in the back of Paul's Mini. But as the little car battles from New York to Miami, and then heads west, leg-room turns out to be the least of Paul's troubles. His work is being sabotaged, his tour plans are in tatters, and his love life becomes a Franco-American war zone. And as Paul knows better than anyone, when you mix love and war - merde happens...

The English Channel may be only 20 miles wide, but it s 1,000 years deep. In Merde! 1000 Years of Annoying the French, Stephen Clarke takes a penetrating look into those murky depths, guiding us through all the times when Britain and France have been at war - or at least glowering at each other across what we Brits provocatively call The English Channel. Along the way he also explodes a few myths that French historians have been trying to pass off as la verit

What if teleportation was really possible? Englishman Richie Fisher is about to find out … Richie and his wife Clara have won a weekend in New York in a newspaper competition. While Clara is off blowing their spending money, Richie wanders aimlessly, chewing on a veggie-burger, ending up in a gift-shop where he finds himself standing in front of an instant transporter machine. It looks nothing like the open-plan teleporter on Captain Kirk’s Starship Enterprise, in fact, it seems more like a glorified microwave oven.Richie places his burger inside, hits the return key on the linked-up computer - and the burger disappears. But if he can teleport a half-eaten veggie-burger, what else could you do with the machine? For criminals, the possibilities are endless. Who could catch you if you beamed drugs into nostrils a hundred miles away? And how much would illegal immigrants pay to be teleported into the rich host country of their choice? Richie buys a teleporter and takes it back to England, where the chaos begins ...

Paris - one of the most visited cities in the world. But do you know...Which is the most romantic spot to say 'je't'aime'? And the sexiest? Where to see fantastic art, away from all the crowds? Why Parisian men feel compelled to pee in the street? How to choose a hotel room where you might actually get a good night's sleep? Stephen Clarke goes behind the scenes to reveal everything Parisians know about their city - but don't want to tell you.

Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But recently things have been going tres wrong: He's stuck in an apartment so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike - and it could be all his fault. His Parisian business partner is determined to close their tea-room. And thinks that sexually harrassing his female employees is a basic human right. And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him. Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankrupcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan...

This is the entertaining biography of Edward VII and his playboy lifestyle, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Despite fierce opposition from his mother, Queen Victoria, Edward VII was always passionately in love with France. He had affairs with the most famous Parisian actresses, courtesans and can-can dancers. He spoke French more elegantly than English. He was the first ever guest to climb the Eiffel Tower with Gustave Eiffel, in defiance of an official English ban on his visit. He turned his French seduction skills into the diplomatic prowess that sealed the Entente Cordiale. A quintessentially English king? Pas du tout! Stephen Clarke argues that as 'Dirty Bertie', Edward learned all the essentials in life from the French.

Poslechněte si téměř pravdivý a neuvěřitelně vtipný záznam událostí, které se přihodily (nebo nepřihodily) britskému spisovateli a novináři během deseti let, kdy žil ve Francii. Knihu „Merde!“ vydal původně v nákladu 200 výtisků a chtěl ji prodávat přes svou webovou stránku, rozdávat přátelům nebo využít jako palivo při barbecue konajícím se při oslavě dobytí Bastily. Po čtení v Kanadském knihkupectví v Paříži a recenzích v tisku se však kniha stala světovým bestsellerem, že Clarke zanedlouho musel napsat dalším pokračování.

This is a new updated edition. Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? Non! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? Non! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. Did the French write "God Save the Queen"? Non! But that's what they claim. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066...Featuring new annoyances - both historical and recent - inflicted on the French, including Napoleon's "banned" chamber pot, Louis XIV's painful operation, Anglo-French jibes during the 2012 London Olympics, French niggles about William and Kate's royal wedding, and much more ...

Jeden Brit v Bruselu. Dvě Francouzky. A opravdu velká kupa merde. Merde je zpátky a tentokrát si Stephen Clarke vzal na mušku svého britského ostrovtipu opravdu velké zvíře – byrokratický aparát Evropské unie. Vážně ti cvoci z Bruselu chtějí postavit mimo zákon bingo, dudy a slaninové chipsy?! A skutečně inkoust na bankovkách eura způsobuje u mužů impotenci?! Ale kdeže. Ovšem nelze popřít, že instituce Evropské unie mají četné mouchy. A hrozí, že jich ještě přibude, protože se do Bruselu právě vydal také Angličan Paul West, aby byl k ruce francouzské poslankyni Evropského parlamentu. Na vlastní oči se tak může přesvědčit, jaký je to neskutečný blázinec. A spolu s tím, jak se kvapem blíží referendum, v němž bude celá Británie hlasovat o setrvání v EU, má Paul West dokonce příležitost sám zasáhnout do jeho výsledků. Jenže napřed se musí rozhodnout: je lepší nepřítel, kterého už známe, nebo riskovat brexit? A dobře ví, že ho rozhodnutí může stát mnohem víc než jen příjemný europlat.

Published in the 200th Anniversary year of the Battle of Waterloo a witty look at how the French still think they won, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Two centuries after the Battle of Waterloo, the French are still in denial. If Napoleon lost on 18 June 1815 (and that's a big 'if'), then whoever rules the universe got it wrong. As soon as the cannons stopped firing, French historians began re-writing history. The Duke of Wellington was beaten, they say, and then the Prussians jumped into the boxing ring, breaking all the rules of battle. In essence, the French cannot bear the idea that Napoleon, their greatest-ever national hero, was in any way a loser. Especially not against the traditional enemy - les Anglais. Stephen Clarke has studied the French version of Waterloo, as told by battle veterans, novelists, historians - right up to today's politicians, and he has uncovered a story of pain, patriotism and sheer perversion...

Paul West, ein junger Engländer, kommt für seinen neuen Job in die französische Hauptstadt und findet heraus, wie die Franzosen wirklich sind: Sie essen Unmengen Schimmelkäse, misstrauen allen, die nicht französisch sprechen, und - oui, sie küssen sich den ganzen Tag! Dieser Bestseller ist ein zum Kaputtlachen komischer Bericht über die Freuden und Qualen eines verliebten Engländers in Paris.

Stephen Clarke je britský novinář a spisovatel píšící pro francouzskou mediální skupinu v Paříži. Merde. Rok v Paříži je témiř pravdivý záznam událostí, které se mu přihodily nebo nepřihodily během deseti let, kdy žil ve Francii – podle toho, kdo klade otázku. Puvodně knihu vydal v nákladu 200 výtisků a chtěl ji prodávat přes svou webovou stránku, rozdávat přátelům nebo využít jako palivo při barbecue konajícím se při oslavě dobytí Bastily.

Legend has it that, in a few busy weeks in July 1789, a despotic king, his freeloading wife, and a horde of over-privileged aristocrats, were displaced and then humanely dispatched. In the ensuing years, we are told, France was heroically transformed into an idyll of Liberte, Egalite and Fraternite. In fact, as Stephen Clarke argues in his informative and eye-opening account of the French Revolution, almost all of this is completely untrue. In 1789 almost no one wanted to oust King Louis XVI, let alone guillotine him. While the Bastille was being stormed by out-of-control Parisians, the true democrats were at work in Versailles creating a British-style constitutional monarchy. The founding of the Republic in 1792 unleashed a reign of terror that caused about 300,000 violent deaths. And people hailed today as revolutionary heroes were dangerous opportunists, whose espousal of Liberte, Egalite and Fraternite did not stop them massacring political opponents and guillotining women for demanding equal rights. Going back to original French sources, Stephen Clarke has uncovered the little-known and rarely told story of what was really happening in revolutionary France, as well as what went so tragically and bloodily wrong.

Angličan Paul West touží žít svůj pařížský sen a opravdu se přitom snaží zbytečně nedráždit Francouze. Jenže ne zrovna úspěšně. Jeho byt je tak malý, že si musí bagety krájet napůl, aby se mu vešly do kuchyně, a jeho průzkum francouzské cuisine málem vyústí ve všeobecnou stávku. Navíc to vypadá, že jej pronásleduje bývalá přítelkyně. A zatímco Paulovi hrozí vystěhování, ztráta práce a bankrot, postupně mu dochází, že jeho osobní faktor merde může vyvolat pořádný poprask.

Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? No! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? No! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. Was the guillotine a French invention? No! It was invented in Yorkshire. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066.